Monday, March 01, 2010

Dear Dr. Wally: Hipsters

(This is the Dr. Wally column for the Red Dirt Pedalers "Wheel Issues.")

Dear Dr. Wally

A couple of days ago, I decided to become a hipster. I'm nineteen, so it's cool. It helps that I'm kinda tall and thin, actually 5 feet 10 inches and 145 pounds, so I can fit into those really skinny jeans. But I'm having trouble finding ironic t-shirts here in Broken Elbow because all the ones I've seen either are for sports teams or some variety of farm equipment. I took my Dad's dusty old bike and I'm converting it to a fixed gear. It's an ancient Schwinn, a model I never heard of called a Paramount. It doesn't look like any of the Schwinns at the local W**Mart store. One of my friends said I can make it into a fixed gear by pouring epoxy down into the gear cluster. Will that work? I've already customized it with stickers and I sanded off all those manufacturers decals in symbolic defiance of modern consumer culture. I threw away all that Champ stuff too.

Teen Hipster in Training

Dear Hipster

Is there any chance I can be on the jury when your Dad's trial comes up? For that matter, if he gets a jury of his peers - say, middle-aged men with teenage sons - he'll probably walk. Just realize that your body may never be found. I'd even help him dig the hole.

I'm going to ask you a question that's been asked of me on numerous occasions. Are you out of your mind? Wait, wait. Don't bother answering that. You're a teenager and as such the whole planet revolves around you, right? There's a quote attributed to Samuel Clemens. He said, " "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." So according to Clemens, you have three years to go. Let's hope you survive them.

My advice - join the Marine Corps immediately and get out of town before your Dad discovers what you've done.

Next time on Dr. Wally: Hipsters in the Heartland - Threat or Menace?


Blogger Yokota Fritz said...

Hmm, subtly multiple layers of irony, since farm equipment and sport team Ts are the very definition of hipster ironic wear. You almost had me fooled there, sir!

6:31 PM  
Blogger Ed W said...

Trust was completely unintentional. I'm not that clever.

7:54 PM  
Blogger Steve A said...

From when I've ridden with hipsters, I've got no criticisms of them, other than their turn signals were a bit sloppy. I have the same criticism of ChipSeal. He claims he's working on same.

I think there are, however a lot of "wannabe hipsters" that might fit the CycleDog stereotype.

And THAT is all the difference...

8:03 PM  
Blogger Ed W said...

Soooo...would we be right in guessing you're a closet hipster, Steve?

8:13 PM  
Blogger Steve A said...

You GOTTA be kidding! But I'll ride with real hipsters any day of the week, and be proud to do it.

9:19 PM  
Blogger Yokota Fritz said...

When I shot video of myself the other week I was amazed at my own sloppy signaling. Dan Gutierrez told me his own signaling improved considerably after he began taking video of his own cycling.

10:31 PM  
Blogger Steve A said...

Yokota. It's a brave man to expose those turn signals to the public. I'll have to figure out how to video my own. We all have room to improve.

One question - isn't the background music distracting while riding? ;-)

5:03 AM  

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