Thalia, the Muse of comedy, abruptly resigned from her unpaid intern assignment here at CycleDog, citing the lack of pay as a reason. Thalia is certainly sweet, but she's not the brightest Muse. Her resignation has created an opening for a qualified individual, gifted in humor and satire. The job requires some light sarcasm, typing, filing, and answering the telephone.
Some less than stellar Muses have applied for the position. Given the current economy and the high level of unemployment, competition for this opening has been unusually keen.
Phartra - the Muse of embarrassing bodily noises - was the first candidate. She was rejected for obvious reasons as this is a very small office.
Hurlotta - the Muse of drunken frat parties - was next on the list, but she showed up three and a half hours late with her clothing slightly askew and with eyes as red as stop lights.
Snap-On-Ica - the Muse of lost tools - managed to lose her pen, her purse, and even the job application, and did all this within ten feet of the front door.
Erotica - the Muse of porn - arrived wearing a trench coat and nothing else. Unfortunately, I was out at the time. She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed gave Erotica the heave-ho.
Bellowica - the Muse of German opera - showed up but she gave me a headache. I have to admit, she was thorough and punctual, but she was very loud and the spear kept poking holes in the wallpaper.
Barrista and Cafe Latte both arrived at the same time, which was a little awkward. Barrista is the Muse of espresso, while Cafe Latte is the muse of skinny-decaf-no-foam-cappuccinos. They immediately traded verbal barbs that quickly devolved to fisticuffs in the alley out back. Personally, my money is on Espresso Girl as Cafe Latte doesn't look strong enough to defend herself.
Bubba Ignatowski, the Muse of the NFL draft and former Chippendale, is perfectly qualified according to She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed and I had to think deeply about getting rid of him. She was positively glowing. His rock-hard six pack compares unfavorably to my more buoyant one. I told him that Erotica and Hurlotta were down at Larry's Cafe drowning their sorrows and he was gone within seconds. She-Who-etc. lost the glow and shifted back to her usual glare leveled in my direction.
Wally offered to be a part-time Muse, but I declined his offer. He'd just drink all my beer and spend the rest of the time snoring on the couch. I can do that myself.
The interviews haven't turned up a suitable candidate, so if you know any out of work Muses, feel free to inform them of this available job.